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Thanks for a fantastic class today! It was so real and practical:)
I am not sure you addressed this yet (as I did miss some parts of a couple of the classes), how to self soothe when it is not appropriate to act out on our feelings. Once I understand where my husband is coming from, but I still feel crabby or crummy (due to the conversation with him or due to other circumstances), how do I work through those yucky feelings?
thanks
After almost 20 years of negative patterns and built up resentment and hopelessness how do you stop?! My husband and I both have ingrained patterns at this point that take control. When we are lucky we see it after the fact and the damage is already done and neither one of us is skilled at self soothing.
Thanks again for a great class. Love the reminders of being curious and vulnerable.
I’ve discovered some areas I need to work on – got into the old mentality of there can only be one right and therefore the other was wrong.
Working through a comment my husband made helped me see a totally different side and I definitely leaned into the empathy. Transformed our conversation. Thanks again
My husband and I have not seen each other in person for a year and a half because he is working overseas. We were in a very bad place when he first went overseas (a little over two years) and I do feel that the time apart has been good for us in some senses – communication being one of them, but I know the fact that we are not in the same place has made the communication easier. He is planning to come home soon and I’m wondering if you have any tips for when you feel like your ability to apply all these amazing things you are teaching is slipping, how to stay on top of being open and communicative and non-judgy/-critical?
Regarding today’s exercise
Why is it hard for me to hear? <- is this why is it hard for me to hear the question? or why is it hard to hear based on what I am making it mean?
Where do I go from here with the answers to the remaining questions if the initial thing that was said feels like a criticism?
(in other news, I'm upset I missed the class AND grateful for technology that exists to show me a replay!)
I want to learn more about expressing this authenticity to other people who I feel don’t understand it. I know I can’t control others or change them, but is there a way to share these insights in a way that they will understand and be encouraged to see the work we are doing and maybe do it themselves? I find people are scared to do things or have false expectations or expect you to promise and deliver things that are not really possible because they don’t understand what vulnerability and authenticity really means.
Today’s class was such an eye opener for me! My husband and I had a really awful conversation, actually more of a disrespectful argument, over shabbos. The conversation left me thinking and feeling that he was irresponsible, uneducated, and disrespectful. After listening to today’s class, I’m tapping into curiosity, asking myself “I wonder why he thinks that way? Is it possible that something similar happened to him as a child to cause him to have such a strong and apparently unjustified reaction? Could his reaction possibly be as a result of some inner child trauma that was never addressed?”
This shift in thinking is making me feel less angry and hurt. My disagreeing with him is just that… a totally different approach and different way of thinking about and dealing with a situation. I can now better separate my opinions from my feelings. This is so freeing!!!! Thank you for this gift!!!!
Amazing! I acknowledge you for opening yourself up to the coaching and looking to apply it in this game-changing way. Thank you for sharing!